The Courage To: A Creative Writing Contest Winner

By: Heather-Ann Michie
Grand Prize Winner

Like a leaf trembling in the breeze, I find the courage to get off my mattress, leave my empty place, and head out into another cold wintry day, even though I feel down.

This day, I have change for the bus.  People are staring at me.  Maybe my coat needs cleaning or my clothes need freshening.  I look down.  But, I get to go to my “home-away-from-home,” my “family-away-from-family, “The Office”, the A.C.S.A. [Agincourt Community Service Association] drop-in shelter.

As a baby bird is pushed from its nest by its parents, I find the courage to come by myself as a young female from a Mediterranean climate into cold “Scarberia”.  Was it too much, too soon?

As usual, staff greets me and I greet the guys and my gal pal, “Hi.”  I check my voicemail, leave Easter messages for my three kids and call my other gal pal.  I get some cereal, toast, and a hot drink, sit on the couch and read my Metro.  I play solitaire to focus, check my e-mail, and send an Easter e-card to my mom back home.  I watch a movie, if there is one, while I wait for a hot lunch.  We had chocolate ice cream for dessert.  Strange, but I seem to be thawing out inside.

Like the matchbox girl freezing in the cold, I find the courage to reach out to connect somehow.  This day, the guys have all had a hard night – some on the streets, some in their empty places – as check day is a few days away.

Suddenly, I watch as one guy buys two cigarettes for two quarters from a second guy.  The second guy needs the quarters for a phone call to his mom later on tonight.  This exchange makes them both happy.  I hope the new staff member, Melanie, comes in soon.  She always has a generous smile, a warm hug, and a kind word to give [if wanted].  She’s here!  I feel as if I am warming up inside.

As a canvas is being filled with colours from the artist’s palette forming an oil painting, I find the courage to send out an e-resume, make some cold calls, and prepare for a job fair.

Now, a stable influence, Christina works away quietly, calmly and with a Mona Lisa smile in the food bank.  Maybe I will ask her if she can spare a few tea bags. I am uncertain about getting a free flu shot.  What if I get sick?  I will not be able to leave my mattress, or eat, or see anyone.  A visiting staff, Sandy, helps me begin to apply for OW [Ontario Works] on-line.  I am so tired of hiding from my children that I have no real income as my partner would not let me work. Recently, he left for parts unknown so I can start over again, starting with OW and some training.

Like a ballerina gliding across the stage, I find the courage to hold myself erect and float over to the ladies room.  The soap is nice – soft, fragrant, and luxuriously bubbly – like hand cream.  It feels so good to wash my hands and my “undies.”  I always have clean hands and nails, no matter what else I have to let go of.  I wish ACSA had a washer and a dryer to go with the shower.

This past Christmas, somebody left a box of toys.  One toy was a beautiful, new, fluffy, white, stuffed animal.  I grabbed it and took it home to put away as a gift for my little grandchild’s upcoming birthday.  I did not like my children to know what I go through.  They have their own lives to live.  They think everything is fine, the same as when their dad – the accountant – and I were married, had a four-bedroom house, two cars, and they went to a private academy.  I just want all of them to be happy and feel normal.  [Is that just a setting on a washer?]

As a warrior after inspection, mess hall, and going off on maneuvers, I am motivated, fed, and strengthened to face the rest of my day, whatever that might bring my way.

Today, I find the courage to smile, hold my head up high and look strangers in their eyes.  I find the courage to try, learn, and grow. I find the courage to succeed.

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The Creative Writing Contest is part of Ve’ahavta’s Homeless Initiative department. Every year, we distribute hundreds of packages into the street and through shelters, containing a sign-up form, a pad of paper, a pen, and a self-addressed envelope. We ask people to write a poem, a song, an autobiography, a recipe used to survive on the street… They have the option of writing a fiction or non-fiction piece. The possibilities are endless.

Posted by Vanessa |