On Jewishness – Voices From the Field

The idea for this article started with a simple enough question. “Do you have any understanding of the Jewish community?” Pretty Basic. But for me, the question unravels many of the reasons why I’ve always cultivated the relationships I have with my Jewish friends, why I love the environment I work in as well as the people in it, and why I feel as if my unique role in the machinery of how Ve’ahavta operates is one that is supported and encouraged by my colleagues and the inspiring group of individuals that walk through our door on a daily basis.

Growing up, the majority of my family friends were Jewish and I had the unique perspective of being an outsider living within a community that was extremely inclusive and never treated me as if I were any different from them. However, this “difference” was implicit in all of my observations as I paid close attention to how those related in my world (as a WASP – white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant) and that of the world I’d had the privilege of being adopted into.

What I saw was a tight-knit community of incredibly supportive and encouraging people in relation to others within their group. Families cultivated both the individual relationships within them as well as the need to function and enjoy each other as a cohesive unit. I saw parents who were constantly encouraging their children rather than putting them down, and much of the time seeing their own through a lens of “greatness”—greatness of what they could be, what they were going to be, and what they already were. While competition no doubt plays a role in all families, it seemed to be less spiteful and jealous than the competition I witnessed among the non-Jewish families that I knew. The jealousies were equalized by a healthy sense of pride and confidence, both towards each other and within.

Above all, the feature I gravitated towards most, that perhaps was most striking in its stark opposition to the dynamics at play in the outside world, was the sense that the capitalistic sentiment of selfishness, of greed and self-interest, of taking what you can from others in an effort to get ahead that I found so frustrating and disappointing, was not something that had a place in this definition of “Jewishness” that I was assembling. Seeing the possibility that people could be extremely successful while not having to limit relationships or the ability of others to achieve the same and rather, INCLUDE others in one’s circle in the acquisition of affluence, together, was extremely helpful and groundbreaking in curbing my cynicism of the cold world that lay ahead of me.

The secret, it seemed, that my world was missing, the secret that I witnessed amongst the Jewish families around me was this: When you share with others a part of what you have, that which remains will multiply and grow. The more you share, the more you will have.”^[i]

I saw families that didn’t communicate with one another, that seemed to live like strangers under the same roof; you could feel the tension and disconnect within those familial relationships; you could see the inherent distrust amongst people within each other’s circle, the jealousy, the envy, the criticism of other people’s successes. I always felt some sort of common, unspoken theme of fear and insecurity that navigated decisions in life based on the presumption that if you don’t grab whatever you can, someone else will and there will be nothing left over for you. I found that quality so sad and limiting, so cynical and negative. I knew that that wasn’t and would never be me; that I could never look at the world with such a harsh and unforgiving eye. Nor would I ever want to live in world premised on a concept so lonely and isolating.

That world belonged to a more jaded, solipsistic individual version of myself that I would never be. I wanted something more to believe in, something more hopeful that would propel me into the world with purpose and motivation. And then I’d look at this other group of people, and I found what I could only describe as the “soul” of a community whose heartbeat has a pulse that was tangible and seemed to fill in all those holes that had left me with a feeling of societal emptiness. This energy rooted in the duality of explosive relationships and staunch displays of love and affection was infectious.

While there certainly was no lack of conflict or struggle, the secret they’d found ahead of the curve is that abundance and success can be had by all and that generosity does not leave one with less than the other; giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. The spirit of giving, of supporting and loving one other has the ultimate reward of multiplying exponentially for everyone involved. As it starts with one and gets passed onto another, the group as a whole gets lifted up. I wanted to be a part of that. I felt at home with that. I felt hopeful about the world if it could be more like that. It never occurred to me that I would feel this gravitational pull so strongly. Upon reflection now, it does seem slightly serendipitous that I would end up working in a place where I felt at home amongst the same people who provided me with many of the lessons from my childhood that inspired my professional direction. And so, here I am.

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[i] Napolean Hill and W. Clement Stone. “Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude.” Published by Pocket Books.